Candy Slain Page 17

  Teeny looked from me, to Teeny, over to Miss May, and Big Dan. She backed toward the door.

  The sirens got closer. Cookie gave us a small nod. “You’re smart. And you’re lucky.”

  Cookie hurried out the door and climbed in the car. I exhaled and shook out my arms. “I’m so sorry. I froze.”

  “No need to apologize. She’s not going to get away,” said Big Dan.

  Teeny looked over at Big Dan. “What do you mean? Why not?”

  Big Dan pointed at the car. “There’s no air in those tires.” Big Dan gestured across the body shop with his head. “And that’s her engine. Over there.”

  Teeny laughed. “You are incredible.”

  Big Dan beamed. Well, really he just sort of smirked but it was the broadest smile I’d ever seen on him.

  A horn blared outside. Cookie climbed out of the car and ran back toward the office.

  “Oh no,” said Miss May. “She doesn’t seem happy.”

  Cookie burst into the office, gun raised. But that time, I was ready. I ran toward her and with a swift side-kick, I disarmed her. The gun fell. Cookie reached for it, but I nudged it away. She swung at me with her fist. I held up my forearm and blocked her. In one swift motion, I kneed her in the stomach then swept her feet out from under her with my free leg.

  Cookie screamed and tried to crawl toward the fun. I knelt on her back and pulled her hands behind her back. Big Dan hurried over with a zip tie. “Here. Use these.”

  I used the zip ties and secured Cookie’s hands behind her back.

  Seconds later, Wayne burst into the office of the auto shop with Chief Flanagan and Deputy Hercules. Moments after that, Cookie was in the back of a squad car, being driven to meet her destiny.

  Miss May, Teeny, Big Dan, and I watched as the squad car disappeared down the road. Teeny and Big Dan hugged. “Dan. You saved the day.”

  Big Dan shrugged. “I just want to get home in time to watch my reindeer special on TV.”

  “Why don’t you come have Christmas Eve dinner with us?” Miss May asked.

  “Hmmm,” Big Dan said. “Can I watch my reindeer special?” Miss May nodded reluctantly. Big Dan smiled. “Alright then, I’m in.”

  ***CHAPTER 42 – O, Christmas Tree

  Christmas day was filled with excitement at the Thomas Family Fruit and Fir Farm. Sure, we were all excited because we had solved another murder. But more importantly, Miss May had agreed to host the belated tree-lighting ceremony up at the farm.

  So we cobbled together a last-minute Christmas day extravaganza for everyone in town to come celebrate and be together.

  Miss May selected the biggest tree on the farm to light up. But she wanted to avoid cutting the tree down. Since Dee Dee had recently been released from jail, Miss May was extra-concerned with making the holiday celebration tree-friendly. Out of respect for Fred the Tree, Miss May didn’t want to chop down a grand old fir. But she also thought it was borderline sacrilege to have a fake tree. Still, Maggie and her mom were coming to the tree-lighting and so was Jennifer Paul. So was the mayor. We wanted this to be good for everyone.

  Miss May came up with a brilliant solution — use a live tree on the farm, without cutting it down. They say you can’t please everybody, but that year, please everybody is exactly what we planned to do.

  Miss May, KP, and I spent most of the morning stringing the lights on the tree with a ginormous ladder and getting ready for the big event. KP spent most of the time practicing his “ho-ho-ho” for his Santa duties that night. And he had fully embraced the role in a way that made me proud.

  I asked KP how he had finally made peace with his role as Santa. He smiled. “Decided it’s an honor. Makes people happy. Who cares if I’ve got a little extra fluff on me? Now at least it’s good for something. Plus, I can eat all the cookies I want without feeling guilty. Heck, I’m going to go on the Humphrey diet. Get as fat as possible for next year. The kids will love it.”

  I laughed. “As long as you’re healthy, I support you.”

  KP waved me off. “Since when is it not healthy to eat so many cookies you gain a hundred pounds in a single year?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Uhhh….”

  KP laughed. “Oh relax. I’ll bring the joy without the calories. How about that?”

  I smiled. “Sounds perfect.”

  Wayne showed up at the farm a couple of hours before the tree lighting was scheduled to start. I heard the crunch of his squad car on the gravel driveway and met him on the porch of the farmhouse.

  Wayne waved as he approached. “Hey, Chelsea. Merry Christmas.”

  Wayne was wearing a black suit that day. His tie was loosened and he was wearing a matching black hat. The outfit gave him an old-fashioned look. Extra-suave. Extra-handsome.

  He pulled a small, gift-wrapped jewelry box from his pocket and handed it to me. “For you. For Christmas.”

  I hung my head. I was experiencing some serious deja-vu with forgetful gift-giving this year.

  Wayne smiled. “You didn’t get me anything.”

  I shook my head. “No. Of course I did. I already told you I got you something back at Grandma’s. I wouldn’t make that up.”

  Wayne held up a hand to stop me. “It’s OK, Chelsea. I didn’t expect you to get me anything. But I still want you to have this.” Wayne offered me a small box.

  I opened the gift. Inside was a simple, silver necklace. “Wayne... It’s beautiful. But I can’t accept this.”

  “Why not?”

  “I can’t accept this because...” I cleared my throat. “Because this is the kind of gift you give someone you’re in a relationship with. And…we’re not. In a relationship.”

  Wayne looked confused. “I know. But we’re…friends, right?”

  “Yes. But friends don’t give friends nice jewelry for Christmas.”

  Wayne put the jewelry box back in his pocket. He took a deep breath and his face fell. I was briefly tempted to give in. To take the necklace, to tell Wayne I didn’t mean it…but I stood strong. I looked Wayne in the eye. “I’m kind of…exploring things with Germany Turtle. In a romantic sense.”

  “I get it,” Wayne said. “But I’m going to be here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Not even…with Sunshine Flanagan and her beautiful hair?” I asked. I shouldn’t have pried, but the niggling little voice of jealousy in the pit of my stomach had somehow escaped through my mouth.

  Wayne crinkled his eyes and looked into mine. “Are you jealous? It’s fine if you are. But you shouldn’t be. You’re beautiful, and smart, and funny. And don’t tell Sunshine I said this, but you’re better at solving crimes than the whole department put together.”

  In the past, I’d felt disrespected by Wayne, like he didn’t take me seriously. But in that moment, my spirits were buoyed by his compliments. Fine, I’ll admit it, I blushed. I felt comforted by his presence, and flattered and…confused. “Thank you, Wayne. That was nice of you to say.”

  Wayne got a call on his walkie-talkie. He answered then looked back to me. “I have to go. See you around?”

  I nodded. “See you around.”

  Wayne hugged me, then turned got into his squad car and pulled away. As I watched him drive off, I felt a bittersweet mix of emotions. Wayne and I had been sporadically flirting since I’d arrived in Pine Grove, heartbroken, fresh off a disastrous almost-wedding. I had serious feelings for Germany, but something about Wayne still tugged at my heart. Woof, I thought. Romance is more complicated than any murder.

  A few hours later, the tree-lighting ceremony was in full swing. Everyone from town came up to the farm, and even the usual curmudgeons like Humphrey and Petunia, the local florist, were smiling and celebrating. The Christmas spirit was contagious.

  Tom Gigley, the town lawyer who moonlighted in the band, The Giggles, played and sang funky Christmas carols on stage in the event barn. Brian and his barista Rita threw snowballs at one another in the field. And even Mayor Linda Delgado arrived with a big grin on h
er face.

  She gave me and Miss May a warm hug when she saw us. “Thank you both so much. I don’t know what this town would do without you.”

  Miss May smiled. “We do what we can.”

  The mayor grabbed Miss May by the shoulders. “I’m serious, May. I was in a dark place. A place unlit by any Christmas tree. But now, you’ve shown me the way out of darkness. And I’m back to my old self! Even though you briefly suspected me of murder, again.”

  “I hope you don’t take it personally,” said Miss May. “If you’re going to hold the position of power in this town, you’re going to get mixed up in our investigations. It’s that simple.”

  “I know,” Linda said. “And I’m thankful to be proven innocent, yet again. Plus, you’re hosting the tree-lighting ceremony at your farm? It’s brilliant. A stellar PR move. I owe you one.”

  I stepped forward. “Careful. We might call in that favor during another investigation.”

  The mayor held up her hands. “Anything. You name it.”

  I spotted Germany walking up the driveway, bundled up like a toddler on a snow day. I chuckled. “OK. I’ll be right back.

  ***Chapter 43 – And a Partridge in a Pear Tree

  I smiled as I approached Germany. “What are you wearing?”

  Germany zipped his jacket all the way to his neck. “I’m still trying to figure out how winter fashion works up in the country. Somehow this light blue vintage jumpsuit feels out of place.”

  “I think it’s cute,” I said. “I like your, uh, weird sense of fashion.”

  Germany beamed. “Thank you. That means a lot. I will continue to dress in this odd way as long as it pleases you.”

  I chuckled, then I dug my toe into the snow. “I’m sorry I give you a spatula for Christmas, by the way.”

  “Please. I loved it. At first, I thought I would use the device to flip pancakes and other delicious treats, but I couldn’t bring myself to actually use the spatula in the kitchen. Instead I’ve had it framed and mounted on my wall. There, I can admire it any moment of the night or day and I do not need to cook to appreciate its beauty.”

  “You framed the spatula?”

  Germany nodded. “Of course. Besides, it is I should who should apologize for giving a lackluster gift. It turns out the Christmas chalice I bequeathed to you was tainted merchandise, as they say. I’m ashamed to have given you something that had been stolen from a dead man’s corpse.”

  “Are you kidding?” I asked. “That gift broke the case wide open. You’re the reason for this whole party.”

  “Still,” said Germany. “It was not the romantic gesture I’d intended. For your birthday, I have much grander plans, perhaps involving one to four alpacas and—”

  I held up my hand. “Germany? Can you stop talking for a second?”

  Germany nodded and zippered his lips. “Of course. Silence.”

  “Good. Because I want to ask you something. Will you... Be my boyfriend? It feels weird to use that word as an adult... Boyfriend... But I guess... I’m saying—”

  Germany raised both fists in the air. “Yes, yes a thousand times yes. Of course. I’ve been wanting to ask you the same question, well, I mean, essentially the same question with the appropriate gender substitution, for ages, but, you’re a modern woman and I didn’t want to insult your independent, feminist streak.”

  “Great,” I said. “Then I guess we’re dating.”

  “Now I feel even worse about gifting you a dead man’s Santa cup,” Germany said. “I have to get something else. I do have one idea, actually. Something I’ve been mulling over for some time now.”

  I shrugged. “I’m listening.”

  Germany paced back and forth in front of me. “Well, you solved the mystery of what happened to my parents. So I’ve been thinking... I want to help you find out what happened to your parents, too.”

  I sighed. “That’s an investigation for an entirely different chapter of my life. Or maybe for an entirely different book.”

  “Right,” said Germany. “Now is a time for rejoicing, for celebration, for love. Not for solving cold cases that orphaned you at a tender young age. But please know... it would be my honor to crack that case wide open with you.”

  I smiled. “Thank you.”

  Germany reached both his hands out toward me, palms up. I took his hands in mine. He pulled me close and kissed me, this time without any hesitation.

  Snow flurried around us, just as it had the night before. A funky version of Silent Night floated out from the event barn, the perfect soundtrack for a beautiful Christmas kiss. In fact, in that moment, everything felt perfect. It was a perfect ending to the week. And a perfect ending to the year. And the perfect ending to the mystery of how and why Pine Grove’s Santa had been candy slain.

  THE END

  Book Seven Preview

  Shot Through the Tart, Chapters 1-3

  Chapter 1

  Turtle Power

  This story begins on a Thursday night in late March. People say the month is in like a lion, out like a lamb, but that March was the meanest, rainiest lamb I’d ever met.

  That particular Thursday, I pulled on my galoshes and raincoat and trudged through the muddy streets to the nicest restaurant in town, Peter’s Land and Sea. Despite the precipitation and the lingering cold, I was in a good mood. Maybe because I was headed to dinner with Germany Turtle.

  Germany was not a typical small town resident. On a scale of one to weird, he was an eleven. But he was also my boyfriend of a few months, and I couldn’t wait to see him. Germany had a way of making me feel completely at ease, like even if I had milk spewing out of my nose Germany would think I looked pretty and graceful.

  I shuffled into Peter’s, shook myself off like a wet dog, then hung my rain coat on the rack in the entry way. I saw Germany, waiting at our favorite table across the room. He was wearing a crisp white shirt with a polka-dotted bowtie. Kind of hot, in a weird way.

  Germany stood when I approached. “Chelsea.” He opened his arms wide and I gave him a hug. “Your eyes are as radiant as all the stars in the sky. Yet it is your intellect, perseverance, and intelligence I admire most about you.”

  I laughed. “You look hot in a bowtie. That’s the only reason I agreed to be your girlfriend.”

  Germany wrinkled his eyebrows. “Oh. I see. You’ve objectified me and my bowtie. I sense you are merely making a joke but I can’t help but feel a bit damaged by your remark.”

  I shook my head. “Oh come on, Germany. You think we’re only dating because I like the way you look in a bowtie?”

  Germany perked up. “Got you. See? I can joke around as well. That time, I was pretending to be offended after you pretended to objectify me.”

  Germany stood tall. I smiled. “Nice job, Germany. You got me.”

  Sometimes dating Germany was a little bit like dating an alien. But an alien with a nice smile and good manners.

  Germany pulled out my chair and I sat. My former fiancé, Mike, had not been big on manners. He’d always said that holding doors or pulling out chairs was misogynist, like it implied that women couldn’t open doors on their own. At the time, I’d accepted his theory and even respected it. But let me tell you, when Germany opened a door for me, I felt like a queen. And I liked it.

  As I scooted in toward the table, I had no idea Pine Grove’s most notorious resident would be murdered that night. So I grinned at Germany, dwelling in the flush of a new crush.

  A few seconds after Germany and I sat, a middle-aged waiter approached with his hands behind his back. The waiter was bald with a goatee. He had a little earring in his left ear and he wore a big smile as he approached.

  “Greetings. Welcome to Peter’s Land and Sea. Have you dined with us before?”

  Germany and I exchanged a confused look.

  “We’re here all the time,” I said. “This is our second favorite restaurant in town. You must be new here,” I reached out my hand for a handshake. “I’m Chelsea. This is my bo
yfriend, Germany.”

  The man smiled. “Great to meet you. I’m Petey’s uncle, Jefferson Nebraska. I grew up in Pine Grove. Left ten, fifteen years ago. Got on my motorcycle and rode all the way across the country, then back, then back again.”

  Germany smirked. “And now you’re back once more?”

  Jefferson nodded. “I heard my nephew opened the hottest new restaurant in town. I got my background in the service and hospitality industries. Came over to help him out. Proud uncle. That’s what my T-shirt would say if I weren’t wearing this dapper uniform.”

  “If you’re from Pine Grove, you might know my aunt,” I said. “Miss May?”

  Jefferson slapped his thigh. “Miss May. Of course. Hold on, are you Chelsea Thomas? You’re practically royalty in this town. That orchard is legendary. I knew Miss May when I was a kid. Went apple-picking up there. Loved every second of it. One time, ate so many apples I was sick for a week. OK, not a week. At least a day.” Jefferson threw back his head and laughed.

  Germany and I laughed as well. Jefferson, like his nephew Petey, had a happy glimmer in his eye and his laughter was infectious. We all made small talk for one or two more minutes, then Germany and I both ordered a big bowl of butternut squash soup with a grilled cheese to share.

  Germany and I chatted while we waited for our food. Then the grilled cheese came. It was incredible. Three kinds of local, artisan cheese on a fresh-baked loaf of sourdough. It crunched, then oozed, when I took a bite. My whole body felt warm when I swallowed.

  Petey had a knack for elevating simple dishes to make them even more savory and delightful. He had gained a reputation for the best grilled cheese in the area and he deserved it. Even if it made his mentor, my friend Teeny, a little jealous.

  But you don’t want to hear more about grilled cheese. Maybe you do. But what you really probably want to learn about is that murder I mentioned. Remember the murder of Pine Grove’s most notorious resident? OK, so that guy didn’t technically die until the next day. But the drama began during my meal of grilled cheese and butternut squash soup with Germany Turtle.